Common underlying causes include chronic stress, a history of trauma, and a co-occurring mental illness. Successful recovery also requires re-learning healthy ways of thinking and behaving and developing essential skills and strategies to cope with triggers like stress and cravings. It’s particularly challenging to know how to help an alcoholic parent in denial or how to deal with elderly alcoholic parents. Again, it may seem like a “no-brainer,” but one of the ways NOT to stop someone from drinking is to succumb to pressure and start drinking yourself.
Here are a few ways you can offer strength and support for a friend with alcoholism. Alcohol use disorders (AUD) can range from mild to severe, and your friend’s alcohol consumption may fall somewhere in that spectrum. Knowing and understanding the symptoms of alcohol use disorders, which includes alcoholism, can benefit you in helping your friend get the support and assistance they need. Even if you have the best intentions, talking to someone with an alcohol addiction may not always go as intended. You may need to step away from the conversation at a certain point. If they become angry and cannot calm themselves or resort to name-calling, blaming or avoiding the conversation, you may need to step away, as they probably are not ready to have the discussion.
How to Avoid Conflict With Your Alcoholic Parent
A professional approach on how to help an alcoholic realize their problem will not only be met with more success, but it can take much of the burden off your shoulders. To avoid alcoholic relapse, family support will need to be incorporated. Always remember that timing is super important when confronting an alcoholic. Normally, your loved one might waver between needing help for their AUD and feeling like they can handle their alcohol use issues independently. According to the National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA), individuals who need help for an AUD tend to slip through the cracks if treatment isn’t readily or immediately accessible.
If things come to such a passé, don’t hesitate to call a professional interventionist. Resources for alcohol abuse include motivational books and workbooks that help people in recovery gain a better understanding of the disease they are battling. There is a massive library of such materials, both for addicts seeking recovery and friends or family seeking recovery for a loved one. Nicole Rettino-Lambert is a dually licensed clinician with over 20 years of experience working with children, adolescents, and adults in both addiction treatment and mental health treatment.
You should trust your gut and know that, unfortunately, if they do have a problem, it likely isn’t going to get better on its own. If you’re ready to confront your friend or family member, the best approach is to prepare yourself and speak to them directly. Another option is to get a family physician involved if you’re not quite comfortable yet.
This can help you prepare what you would like to say and help to keep the distractions and interruptions to a minimum. Finding a quiet location and making sure your friend is mentally available are two very important factors to consider. BetterHelp can connect you to an addiction and mental health counselor. Self-care can also reduce stress and lead to overall higher quality of life. And it doesn’t have to be some extravagant or expensive thing.
- For example, if you’re wondering how to help an alcoholic family member, show them you care and have the best interests in mind.
- You may also suggest that they visit the “Rethinking Drinking” online assessment by the NIAAA and if necessary, try to set low-risk drinking limits for themselves through this online program.
- Although true in some sense, as the alcoholic does need internal motivation for a life of continued sobriety, there is fault in this line of thinking (12).
- Below are some dos and don’ts on how to talk to an alcoholic in denial that can equip you to start this tough conversation and get your loved one closer to recovery.
- Just finish the conversation in a NICE way and polity hang up the phone.
- If you have any concern that our content is inaccurate or it should be updated, please let our team know at [email protected].
Instead of waiting for an alcoholic to take their next drink, get yourself the help you need. Find support from addiction treatment professionals to have a strong conversation with the person you love, and make sure you have a strong support network to help you, too. This article aims to provide these resources, as it takes a close look at the various ways by which one can provide support for an alcoholic such that recovering is a bit easier. Confronting an alcoholic spouse can feel frightening, but it’s a necessary first step toward individual and family healing. Approaching your loved one can be done in a timely and calculated manner, to best meet the needs of both you and your spouse.
Choose the Right Time
For example, if you’re wondering how to help an alcoholic family member, show them you care and have the best interests in mind. By doing this, you will provide suitable grounds for progress during your next meeting. There are several stages of recovery from alcoholism – and there might be several stages of persuading dependent individual to enroll in the treatment program.
- Options are available to overcome the pain of a loved one’s disease and help is available to regain sobriety and a fulfilling life.
- Research shows that hitting rock bottom, or resource loss is a significant indicator of therapy completion in alcoholics.
- If you were to confront them when they are intoxicated, then the results will likely be lacking, and they may even forget about the entire situation the next day.
- In addition, these loved ones will report that while the HFA may provide for the family financially, that they are not able to be supportive emotionally.
- The Recovery Village Cherry Hill at Cooper provides comprehensive alcohol addiction treatment, including inpatient and outpatient rehabilitation, in the South Jersey and Philadelphia areas.
This doesn’t mean you can’t forgive an alcoholic for something they did while drinking, but there has to be either an acknowledgment of the bad behavior or repercussions. Or, while picking a passed out alcoholic off of the front lawn might seem like helping, it’s allowing them to avoid the experience of waking up on the lawn and being faced with their actions. There’s a fine line between enabling and helping, and when it comes to dealing with an alcoholic loved one, it’s hard not to cross it. So when an alcoholic breaks a promise, they might not even know they’re doing it, and it doesn’t mean they don’t care about you, it just means their addiction is too strong. The amount that alcoholics drink can seriously impact the brain. One effect is that alcohol consumption shrinks the hippocampus, which is the part of the brain that’s responsible for memory and reasoning.
Three Ways to Never Confront an Alcoholic Again
Keep in mind that someone with an alcohol use disorder is likely fighting their own battles. It’s important to listen to what they say instead of dominating the conversation. When they feel you are hearing and understanding them, they will be more open to taking advice and considering treatment.
Suggest you work together to develop goals for reducing their drinking. This is because everyone around you can be affected by the disease. Remember that the point of the conversation is to show concern.
Caring enough to go through the anguish, anxiety, doubts, and turmoil of dealing with an alcoholic is the greatest help you can offer someone who is broken. You have to be enlightened, empathetic, compassionate, and strong. You have to be a master strategist, astute planner, and thorough executioner.
All energy is spent on the alcoholic spouse and maintaining peace among the chaos, resulting in a lack of boundaries and potentially personal isolation. If codependency has developed or is beginning in your relationship, take time to remind yourself that you are worth more than the lies being told through the disease of alcoholism (2). Understand what needs to be said and what does not need to be said. Be able to speak your peace to your spouse, without inflammatory language or unproductive criticism (10). Although only your family member can decide to stop drinking, alcoholism affects everyone in the family.
From the Better Addiction Care Blog:
People who are displaying denial are typically using it as a way to avoid facing truths that they are unable to deal with. They might feel powerful, unpleasant emotions such as shame, stress, and fear at the thought of confronting the problem. While you can’t directly stop your family member from drinking, you can protect yourself from the negative consequences of their behavior. Setting these limits can also help them decide to stop drinking. Boundaries differ from person to person and should be based on protecting yourself from unwanted consequences of someone else’s behavior, not on punishing the person for drinking. The interventionist will hold a session where he or she will point out the reality of the addict’s situation.
Anger may also propel your loved one into further denial, addiction, and heavier drinking. Instead, work toward a place of peace and calm when planning the confrontation. Remind yourself that you are choosing to speak with your spouse because https://sober-house.net/ you love him or her and you want them to seek help for their debilitating and painful illness. A calm and caring approach to confronting your alcoholic spouse will prove more effective and beneficial for both parties involved (10).
Do Stay Focused on the Present
The first and most important thing a person can do when confronting a loved one about their alcohol abuse is to make a plan and attempt to stick to that plan. Watching someone you eco sober house ma love slowly destroy themselves with alcohol or drugs is one of life’s most painful experiences. The nature of the disease makes the addicted brain a clouded and dangerous foe.
The one thing that you would do at this point is go into denial mode. In the worst case, you would also want to avoid the situation as much as you can. For example, someone might have a problem with drinking but deny it to themselves or their loved ones to avoid admitting they have a drinking problem. Addiction Resource aims to provide only the most current, accurate information in regards to addiction and addiction treatment, which means we only reference the most credible sources available. If your loved one agrees to go to treatment, they can proceed to intake almost immediately since it was set up beforehand. At the intake, an assessment will be conducted to determine the level of services needed and begin the early stages of a treatment plan.